2013/209 - 211 PS I Love You

It was a our little getaway from the world and spend quality with the family. It started at 12:30pm...well, except for the last minute work emergency that infringed on the car ride to Palm Springs. Nothing worse than trying to solve work issues created by someone not doing their job like they were supposed to. Luckily, I was able to enlist the help of a few other co-workers and relax for the last 40 minutes of the drive.

By 3:00pm we were chillaxing by the pool. A short time later, we were joined by our favorite little family from the desert. It was grandma heaven.

Saturday was typically Palm Springs weather, close to 100 degrees, but nothing we couldn't handle. A tasty breakfast at a trendy restaurant called Cheeky's was first in order. The rest of the day was spent relaxing in our rooms and by the pool. One of the nicest things about the whole time was the fact that I got quality time with everyone. 

Sunday we rose at our leisure before it was time to head back to reality. I had a boatload of work waiting for me which I had to get back to. I was able to say goodbye to Marilyn and take a few pictures of The Hotel California.

2013/208 Cycle Five Day One

My chemo schedule is as follows, once a week for three weeks and then I get a week off. The three weeks are referred to as a cycle, the first week is day one, the second week is day two and the third week is day three. Today I'm on cycle five, day one.

All things considered, it's not so bad. The worst is not knowing how many cycles I have in front of me. When I first had chemo four years ago,  I started treatment in May and ended in December. Back then, I started chemo with no end date, too. It all depended on my CA27-29 results.

The first time I went through treatment, the fellow overseeing my treatment initially told me I would be on chemo the rest of my life. As the months went on, he told me that as soon as my CA27-29 results came down to the 30 range, I could stop. At the time I started chemo, my CA27-29 was in the 90s. It was like being on the biggest loser waiting for my results.

December 21, 2009, I had both my doctor and chemo appointment scheduled for the same day when I was given the wonderful news. My number was at an acceptable level. No more chemo for me, effective immediately. In addition to chemo, I had Aredia (a bone builder) scheduled so I still had an infusion that day but no more Taxol, the chemo drug I was taking.

As I sat there with the IV drip on my hand, my best friend, Liz by my side, tears ran down my face. The relief that it was over was overwhelming. I kept thanking God over and over and over again. No more driving back and forth to the medical center, no more blood tests, no more IV sticks, no more waiting rooms, for hours sometimes. My hair would grow back, my fatigue evaporate, I would have a new normal.

Flash forward to 2013, this time when I started chemo, my CA27-29 number had spiked to over 900 points. My test results from March showed the CA27-29 had gone down to 228. A 50 point drop from the previous cycle. I'm greedy, after two drops of over 300 points each, 50 points was a let down.

Cycle five day one, a CA27-29 result of thirty something seems so far away. It's best not to think about it. Best to just take it one day, one cycle at a time.

2013/207 What to do?

As the month gets closer to the end, so does the pressure to deliver at work. Still today was not as hectic as I was afraid when I pulled myself out of bed before even the roosters were thinking about cockadoodle-doodling. I took lunch in anticipation of not being able to take a break, but right before noon, I allowed myself the luxury of leaving the office for a little pick-me-upper.

I decided to go someplace that served coffee in a real mug, not a paper cup. I'm getting spoiled. Yet, my indulgences are weighing heavy on my mind so it felt good to take pen to my paper and do a little writing the old fashion way, reflecting on the words that haunted me in February. Enough, be still, endure, conviction.

What to do?

2013/205 & 206 Slug Bug Love

Sunday, after church, it was all about the slug bugs. First I saw a beautiful orange vintage model in the church parking lot. Before I could take out my camera, the owner came up out of nowhere, putting her key in her sweet ride. She had to be in her mid-sixties, with the energy one would expect for the owner of a beetle. "I love your car", I told her. "Thank you", she smiled at me, "I love it too". It was evident in the way the car sparkled and shined.

I watched from my rear view, wishing I had asked her if I could take a picture of her and her car. I vowed to myself that I wouldn't let another chance slip away. Thus, I stopped at Best Buy to take a few shots of the Geek Squad Bugs. I did a U-turn on busy Harbor Blvd to take some shots of a maroon slug bug that I've passed at least twenty odd times.

But the best find was at a classic car showroom that I've never ever noticed before. There as I drove by were two bright shiny vintage cars for sale. My car almost stopped in its track.

After all of that I can't believe that today, I let an opportunity pass me by. I let the pressure of fear and others get to me and when I saw an ugly, but obviously storied bug come into my path, I took the lazy way out. Instead of getting out of my car, I took a picture across the passenger seat. When I saw the shot after I got home, I was kicking myself. If I make the same mistake again, I don't deserve to have a camera.

2013/203 & 204 What Tomorrow May Bring

When she emailed me asking me where I was yesterday afternoon, I hoped it was because she wanted to see if I would meet her at the beach. We've talked about it so many times, there was always a possibility, but I wasn't going to hold my breath. Much to my delight her reply to my reply was exactly what I hoped for. At roughly 4:00pm I was driving down Pacific Coast Highway with the top down and the wind in my air.

I love how the air changes as you get close to the beach. I love the smell of the fire pits, the coolness of the breeze. After a busy week of work, it was the perfect way to start the day. Liz arrived about twenty minutes after I did. I originally planned to wait in the car so we could walk to the shore together, but the call of the water was too much for me. The waves were deliciously wild.

I got home after 8pm, exhausted, my leg hurting, but it was all worth it. The sunset did not disappoint.

Today has been a day of recuperation. Of course I had to have a mocha at what has become my favorite coffee shop and I even did a little shopping for work clothes.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow and what it may bring.

2013/102 So Blessed.

With two big projects at work coming to an end, I'm happy I haven't had more weeks like this week. Any plans I had to go back to the beach again, were put to rest by 3pm. Too much to do and not enough time to finish it all. Added to that an unplanned visitor at my office (my boss's boss) meant I was working late for sure.

As I walked out of the office, I was greeted with the deep blue skies, a falling sun and a refreshingly cool wind. It was just what I needed to keep me going especially since I knew I was leaving work just to pick up where I left when I got home. So very happy that I made that trip to the beach yesterday or I would be feeling bad right now. Instead I'm grateful for the job I have even if sometimes it gets in the way of my personal life.

I am so blessed.

2013/101 Another One Tomorrow

I had every intention of driving straight home. After all, it had been another long day at work and I have to go into tomorrow, too. But as I turned down Sunflower, my car took a right towards the beach instead of left towards the freeway. Still unsure of what I was doing, I contemplated turning the car around at every intersection.

I'm so glad I didn't. I never made it to the sand, but I got close enough to see the water, to hear the waves rushing to the shore, to feel the ocean breeze, to smell the salt in the air. My senses were delighted. The cool air was so refreshing. Even though the sun was out, there was practically no one around, allowing me to stop for pictures unimpeded.

I didn't stay for the sunset, but that's okay. There will be another one tomorrow.

2013/100 A Long Time Coming

It was a glorious day from start to finish. The kind of day I needed. The kind of day I love in Southern California. It was cool, but oh so sunny, starting with the first morning light. At lunchtime on a whim I drove to a little outdoor "anti" mall (don't ask) and walked around enjoying the weather, allowing the sun to warm my soul inside and out.

Spring has been flirting with the country, it's been a long time coming. As I slowly walked back to my car, not wanting the moment to end, I thought of those whose lives changed in an instance yesterday.

For many of them, it will be a long time before Spring comes again.

2013/99 In the End

I had planned to go to the office, but when my alarm buzzed at 5am, I thought the better of it. Everything I needed to do, I could do from home, but if I stayed home today, I could see my daughter off to school and maybe if I was feeling nice, make her a PBJ sandwich before she headed off for the day. I wasn't the only one to play hooky, she wasn't feeling a 100% so she decided not to go to class.

It was a nice morning. While I worked on work, she worked on homework. We had lunch together. I kissed her as she left for work in the early afternoon, telling her I loved her as tears from the news of the day ran down my face. She hates it when I cry, but the news of what happened in Boston today was too much for me to take. After 9/11, after cancer, I've become a big bawling baby.

Once again, we are reminded of the frailty of life. Of the suddenness of death. Of rudeness of tragedy. It can be too much to bear. Or it can be reminders of us to be kinder to others, to forgive those ridiculous things that in the big scope of things are silly, to stop and say I love you.

Because in the end Love Wins. It always has. It always will.

2013/98 The Perfect End

The overcast, gray day continued today, but I didn't mind. After all, it was Sunday, a day for rest. And I would have been wondering why, oh, why, wasn't the sky clear yesterday when I really wanted it to be. Plus, it made for perfect weather to meet Barbara and Amber this evening at Dripp for my weekend coffee fix.

It was a perfect end to a perfect weekend.

2013/97 Instameet Impossible Project

It was a day full of not only photography, but doing something outside of my comfort zone and having a blast while it happened. On top of that, my back and leg held up enough for me to enjoy myself much more than I would have imagined.

First up, the Impossible Project came to Los Angeles. Okay, Hollywood really, but what does that really matter. They set up shop in a little studio located at Space 15 Twenty which was trendy and fun. Liz came along for the ride which made for great company. The free workshop I signed up for offered some good advice and answered some questions that I had. 

We had enough time after the workshop for a delicious meal at a local restaurant, followed by a latte at the coffee shop across the street. I wished we had more time to spend there because there was a lot of photo opportunities around.

After our tummies were full, we made our way to the Santa Monica Pier for my very first Instameet. While I had hoped the weather would be a little cold and cloudy to keep the crowds away, I wasn't planning for the skies to be quite so gray and uncooperative. We didn't let it rain on our parade, but there was no sunset to be seen through the thick clouds. 

No matter, we agreed, we'll go back again. 

2013/96 The Next Time

It was a long day at the office. I arrived before 6:15am and prepped myself with a cup of the dark roast. I was hoping to meet with my boss and leave before 2pm. Instead I worked through lunch, met with him at 2pm and didn't get on the elevator going down until minutes before 4pm. I had been half contemplating heading West to the beach, but since tomorrow will be action packed I thought the best of it and by the time I got to my car, I knew I was going to head straight home.

As I put my key in the engine, I looked up and there in the other side of the parking lot was a vintage VW Beetle. I've been wanting to do a photo project on vintage VW Beetles and Buses, but lately I've only seen them on the road while I've been driving or in parking lots as I've raced from one place to another. Every time I pass one in the parking lot, I question my desire, telling myself, if I were really serious, I would be in that parking lot, get out of my car and snap away.

Here was another chance. Another chance to show how serious I am. If it had been 2pm, it would have been a no brainer, but by this time it's after 4pm. On a Friday afternoon. Which mean every minute it takes me to get to the freeway could be another 5 minutes on the freeway. I pulled out of my parking space still unsure of what to do. I drove out of the parking lot, my mind made up. I drove into the other lot, pulled up to the car and snapped a few shots, never getting out of my car.

It wasn't good enough. If I were serious, I would have gotten out of the car. Next time. Next time.

2013/95 In the Moment

It was such a beautiful morning. I could not stop taking pictures. The blue of the sky. Just enough clouds to capture the light of the sun. And the sun shining in all its glory.

As I drove to my chemo appointment, nothing could stop me from smiling. There were praise songs playing on the radio, I knew God was with me. My spirit was so lifted. It was enough to make this girl's heart happy. I felt so much in the moment.

I didn't want the moment to end.

2013/94 A Spark of Light

Or in the right frame of mind, might be a better way to put it, but my pity party is over, the whining complete and I accepted responsibility for a task that I didn't feel was mine because that's what grown ups do. Truth be told, it really wasn't as bad as I was afraid it would be and today was much better than yesterday. Still on the drive home as I played back the events of the day, I still feel like I failed. I still complained a little to a co-worker...not as much as yesterday...but complained none the less.

While, I'm disappointed, I'm not going to beat myself up too much over it. Tomorrow is another day to let my light shine.

2013/94 Out of Sorts

I've been feeling out of sorts today. I should just be called the grumpy one. That's what happens when a project at work is unceremoniously dumped on my lap. I wish I could say I am above all pettiness, but sometimes I'm sorry to say that I'm not and that just makes me grumpier. Why can't I just do my job with a smile on my face and shut up? Just to be rebellious, I drank my coffee and ate my morning bun at the coffee shop this morning. I wasn't ready to start the day.

As I walked from the coffee shop to the office, I realized, it was going to start with or without me.

It's time to get on board.

2013/93 You Had to Be There

Muenster cheese, sourdough bread, a little pat of butter and a pancake griddle are all the things I needed to make me a damn good grill cheese sandwich for lunch today.

Let's just say the photographer (ahem) didn't do it justice. I guess you had to be there.

2013/92 Dodger Blue

She surprised me when she texted me earlier in the week saying she wanted us to go to a Dodger game. She surprised me even more by insisting we do it sooner rather than later. So this afternoon, we headed out to Dodger Stadium to catch a game.

It was good times. Even if we didn't get any cotton candy.

2013/91 Full of Contentment

Didn't get out of my pajamas until after noon today. It was an easy Saturday morning. I felt content just piddling around the house. After the long week, it was the kind of day that I needed.

I was full of contentment.

2013/90 No Photography Allowed

From the moment I first walked in the door, I fell in love. The ambience.  The decor. The fragrance of fresh coffee. How could I have walked by the place so many times without a second glance? The only thing I didn't like was the sign at the both doors which read "No Photography Allowed" And to punctuate the point, there under the verbiage was a picture of a camera with a circle around it and a giant line through it. WHAT?!?!?

I'm not normally a rule-breaker, except in the case of speed laws. Okay, maybe I've taken two donuts at work when we were asked to only take one. But I have never asked my children to say they were 10-years old when they were really 11 or 12. Or if someone gives me too much change, I give it back. But this was one rule I couldn't commit to and each time I came, I would try to intrusively take as many shots as I dared without getting called out by the photo police.

But then last week, I learned that Dripp has, of all things, an Instagram account. Does that even make any sense at all? Are they saying that sign out on their door is for real? Or is it just a big giant joke. Inquiring minds want to know because if they are seriously just kidding, I want to bring my other camera and shoot away.

2013/89 Finding the Energy

It's been a long time since I went into the office for three days in a row. I wanted to come home, sink back into my recliner for a long winter's nap. Except that I had already asked Brie if she wanted to bake cookies and she replied, yes. I was thinking snickerdoodles, she was thinking rich chocolate chip toffee bars. They are deliciously decadent. If you ever wanted to make a friend or win someone over, these will do the trick.

They were worth the energy.

2013/88 Focus

It's been a long work week. There's a big project that is coming to a head. It's got a a drop dead date of May 6 and there will be serious hell to pay if the date slips. Career-breaking hell. The good news is, it looks like it's actually going to happen. Up until this time, I've been more of a spectator in the project, but now it's my turn to ante up. Things I must do, hit my target dates, make sure our team is ready for deployment, and...

Don't let my boss down.

2013/87 The Fool and I

All day long I've been waiting for it...the joke. If I were more clever I would have been able to think of an April Fool's joke to pull on someone. But I had nothing. All day long I was on guard, waiting for the joke to come. I would not be made the fool, but nothing came. It felt uneventful. But the reality is, most April Fool's joke are either cruel, like the time Eliz told mom I was hit by a car (I was in on the "joke") or stupid, like the time a co-worker, who should have known better, emailed her boss her resignation, which he accepted. Two weeks later, she no longer worked for the company.

I had to work late which I wasn't looking forward to, but at least that would mean that traffic would be light by the time I left work. Wrong! The joke was on me. But I had the last laugh, a beautiful sunset punctuated by the thick silver clouds in the sky.