2013/272 I Have Hope

It's been too long since these two have spent any quality time together. Just six-weeks apart, for many years it was if they were brother and sister instead of cousins. Then time, distance, and life got in the way so when the doorbell rang last night and he stepped through the door, I wasn't sure where they would pick up.

From the moment she came down the stairs, the light-hearted banter began. The conversation made me laugh. Since he is the son of the sister I so dearly love, it's my heart desire that these two are as close as we are.

After last night, I have hope.

2013/271 Mother Daughter Day at the Beach

It was time to collect on my Mother's Day present. She had promised me an evening at the beach with her undivided attention and a few smiles for the camera. I asked if she would mind if we brought them along since we've been wanting to get the girls together for a while.

It was fun times.

2013/270 A Happy Call

I was a little worried. Who wouldn't be when the lab tells you that the doctor wants the test results right away? So the news wasn't what I prayed it would be...Ms Medina, it's a miracle, your blood tests came back normal and the bone scan doesn't show any signs of tumors...a girl can always hope and pray, but they were good enough. No changes, no new activity in the bones. I'll take it.

It was a happy call with my sister today.

2013/269 Evening Photo Walk

An evening photo walk in Old Towne Orange did me a world of good.

Next time maybe I'll be brave enough to ask a few strangers if I could take their picture.

2013/268 Too Tired...

for words...

2013/267 Answered Prayers

She got home safe and sound, an answer to my prayers being said throughout the four and a half drive home. I wasn't happy that they decided to head home after only three hours of sleep. They promised me that at least two of them would be awake or they would pull over, but I didn't trust that. After what we went through last summer, I did not want another tragedy on our hands.

Keep her awake, I pleaded with God. Send your angels to nudge her if she tires, I begged. I knew my worry annoyed her, but I didn't care. I love her, too much. Once, again, he answered my prayers.

2013/266 Oggl App

Got me a new app from Hipstamatic called oggl. A few things I like about it...

1. It allows me to change the film/camera combination after the photo has been taken, unlike Hipstamatic which you're stuck with no matter what
2. It allows me to select the exposure and focal point 
3. AND it allows me to use the front facing lens which is much much better for self portraits

2013/265 Good Way to Spend the Day

Spent the day with our little family out in the desert.

It was a very good way to spend the day.

2013/264 Standing Guard Over Her

She left on her first big adventure without mom or dad. On one hand, I didn't want her to go. On the other I knew this is her time and as much as I want, I can't hold on forever. So I did the only thing a mom could do. I held on to her tight before she got into the car, praying over her, leaving her in the only hands that could protect her more than I.

And as she got into her car, I lay my hand upon it and asked God's angels to stand guard over it and over her. Thankfully, she arrived safely, her adventure in full swing.

2013/263 Lighter in Step

I was looking forward to the evening for the last two weeks. Dinner with my mom, aunt and cousin was on my calendar. As the day crept closer, I needed it so badly I was afraid there would be a last minute cancellation.

By the time we walked out of the restaurant (almost four hours after we arrived), I felt lighter in step, my well refreshed.

My life is blessed by these woman.

2013/262 The Promise of a New Day

I drove off to work this morning, my cellphone tucked neatly inside my bag. I was not, repeat, not, going to take a picture of the sun, not after the day I had yesterday. Less than three miles on the freeway and I was frantically grabbing my bag, the sight before me, taking my breath away, giving me hope for a moment.

By the time I hit the freeway exchange, I was back to arguing with myself, pleading with God. I did not want to walk into the office with the attitude that I had when I walked out yesterday. 

All I can say, is I'm thankful for the promise of a new day.

2013/261 I Chose Joy

The day started off deceptively well. Shortly after I hit Orange County, the cloud cover came. It should have been a sign to turn around. By the time I drove away from work, my pity party was in full swing.

I walked in the door in defeat, wanting nothing more than a good, long cry and a long nap. On the counter was an unexpected package. My Hipstaprints came more than two days before I thought they would. Still, I wasn't ready to let go of my blues.

Until I went outside, camera in hand. A few snaps of my camera later, I realized, I wasn't at work anymore. I could chose to continue to wallow in self-pity or find joy in the little things around me.

I chose joy.

2013/259 & 260 Just the Way That It Is

It should have been a day of celebration. That's what made it so hard. I didn't mind at all for me. I'm old enough to know how to deal with disappointment. I knew if we got out of the house, sought the sunshine, felt the wind in our hair that our hearts would be lifted, but she wasn't interested in getting out.  As much as I wanted to grab her and go anyway, I also knew that sometimes you just have to lick your wounds, cry a little and allow time to heal your soul.

And just when I thought the night would be a loss, too, she smiled in spite of the hurt. That's how I know it's going to be okay.

Bone scan today. I struggle driving to the medical center when it's my week off chemo. I've been in a little more pain than normal for the past few days so I guess it's a good thing that I went. 

That's just the way it is.

2013/258 Getting Back to It

It started with promise and lots of energy, but somewhere in the middle, I ran out of steam.

In the early evening, I finally picked myself up and got back to it.

2013/257 Life is Good

Fought depression all day long. All I needed was a ride to my favorite coffee shop with the top down to perk myself up and get ready for the weekend. I could have sat out there all night long, soaking up the cool evening breeze and reenergizing myself.

Life is good.

2013/256 I Could Cry

It was a beautiful day from start to finish, despite the chemo.

I am so happy I could cry.

2013/255 One Way

Sometimes the message is loud and clear so why is it we don't heed the warnings?

2013/254 Good Enough for Me

It was the loveliest of evenings. A cool summer breeze, blue skies with bright white clouds billowing about. I just want to freeze these moments before the heat of summer begins.

Instead, I put the top down and blasted off. And that was good enough for me.

2013/253 My Sleeping Beauty

By Sunday afternoon, I had put away all question about whether I would go into the office today. The answer was no. I forgot to turn off my alarm and when it rang at 5am, I was so happy with my decision. She had to get up "early" for work. She took off where she left off when she got home. I can't lie, a mid-day nap was tempting to me, too.

2013/250-252 The Best Parts

On Friday, I can't say there was a clear best part, except for the fact that I didn't end up going to the office AND the car passed the smog test, but that's another story. However, if you had told me that I wouldn't get in a shot until it was desperation time, I wouldn't have believed it. The shot turned out to be such a desperation shot that it will not be for public consumption.

Saturday was almost as good as it gets. Went shooting, not once, but three times. Still the best part of the day was when Brie got home late from a friend's and we spent a little time at the wee part of the night talking while I made her some toast.

Sunday has been filled with much routine and the best part so far was getting a voicemail from Matt which started with him telling me he was calling to tell me he loves me while I was at church. It still makes me cry to think of it.

2013/249 Sunshine on my Shoulders

The morning came. Thankfully I slept so deeply when the alarm rang, I was confused as to what was happening. I needed a deep deep sleep. Still I wrestled with the events of the day before. The peace I was longing for didn't come until later in the day.

At least it came. It was like sunshine on my shoulders.

2013/248 The Start of a New Day

It was not one of my best days. In fact, I wish I could do it over so the wiser me could prevail. Instead, I  left the office in self-doubt, angry at myself for the decisions I made. I got home exhausted, grumpy, frustrated, and sad.

I longed for the morning, for the start of a new day. It made me thankful for God and that he gives us that hope.

2013/247 Turns Out I was Right

As I prepared to leave the office, I stopped to look at the afternoon light streaming in from the windows. Normally at that time of day, I would have high-tailed it out of the office because at that time of the day, every second counts. But then again, at that time of the day, the I was already doomed to a long drive in traffic. Knowing this I thought it might well be the only real picture I took for the day.

Turns out I was right.

2013/246 The Second Time

All weekend long I salivated over the sandwich I devoured at Specialty's on Friday. I almost couldn't wait for Monday so I could go back again. There was a part of me that agonized over the decision of whether I should go back to lunch there so quickly. What if it turns out they just had an exceptional good day and this time I would be disappointed.

In the end I went back for a second time.

The second time was just as delicious. I'm ready to face the office again.

2013/245 Exploring Laguna Beach

"Let's have lunch. I'll be at your house at noon", her text message read. "Works for me", I replied, slightly disappointed. I had hoped we could head out to the beach or someplace of interest, but I figured from her message that all she had time for was a quick bite. 

She had her camera in hand when I opened the door. My smile got bigger. Dare I hope? Yes, I did. Fifteen minutes later we were driving to Laguna in my little bug. Parking was not a problem. The restaurant we picked did not disappoint. The cloudy skies made us happier than the sun. 

We explored parts of Laguna I had never seen before.

It was a beautiful Sunday.

2013/244 A Very Good Day

It turned out to be a very good day.