2013/241 What am I Doing with the Rest of My Life

Had my monthly check up today. First I had to get my blood test which I cut a little too close to the doctor's appointment for my own comfort. After the drill, I walked towards the lobby when tears suddenly came from nowhere. Even after four years of this, there are times when I can't believe this is my life.

I was expecting a long wait for the doctor since he had been on vacation for over two weeks and as a result, I knew he was over booked this week. It was a pleasant surprise when he came walking through the door just a few moments after the nurse showed me to the examination room. After an exchange of pleasantries, he went through my test results.

The bottom line, there wasn't much change in the numbers. My CA27-27 from last month as compared to the month before had gone up about 10 points. He didn't make a big deal about it, saying something like the numbers had stabilized, but I was rather disappointed. He scheduled me for two more months of chemo with a bone scan in between and I went on my not so merry way.

As I walked to the parking lot, the tears threatened to make another appearance, but I pushed them back. I didn't want to take myself there. I put my trust in the Lord, not in some test results. Sure instead of 237, they are now 248, but they've been as high as 900 and I've survived.

Still, I couldn't help but wonder, what am I doing with my life? Am I prepared for what's ahead.