2013/209 - 211 PS I Love You

It was a our little getaway from the world and spend quality with the family. It started at 12:30pm...well, except for the last minute work emergency that infringed on the car ride to Palm Springs. Nothing worse than trying to solve work issues created by someone not doing their job like they were supposed to. Luckily, I was able to enlist the help of a few other co-workers and relax for the last 40 minutes of the drive.

By 3:00pm we were chillaxing by the pool. A short time later, we were joined by our favorite little family from the desert. It was grandma heaven.

Saturday was typically Palm Springs weather, close to 100 degrees, but nothing we couldn't handle. A tasty breakfast at a trendy restaurant called Cheeky's was first in order. The rest of the day was spent relaxing in our rooms and by the pool. One of the nicest things about the whole time was the fact that I got quality time with everyone. 

Sunday we rose at our leisure before it was time to head back to reality. I had a boatload of work waiting for me which I had to get back to. I was able to say goodbye to Marilyn and take a few pictures of The Hotel California.

2013/208 Cycle Five Day One

My chemo schedule is as follows, once a week for three weeks and then I get a week off. The three weeks are referred to as a cycle, the first week is day one, the second week is day two and the third week is day three. Today I'm on cycle five, day one.

All things considered, it's not so bad. The worst is not knowing how many cycles I have in front of me. When I first had chemo four years ago,  I started treatment in May and ended in December. Back then, I started chemo with no end date, too. It all depended on my CA27-29 results.

The first time I went through treatment, the fellow overseeing my treatment initially told me I would be on chemo the rest of my life. As the months went on, he told me that as soon as my CA27-29 results came down to the 30 range, I could stop. At the time I started chemo, my CA27-29 was in the 90s. It was like being on the biggest loser waiting for my results.

December 21, 2009, I had both my doctor and chemo appointment scheduled for the same day when I was given the wonderful news. My number was at an acceptable level. No more chemo for me, effective immediately. In addition to chemo, I had Aredia (a bone builder) scheduled so I still had an infusion that day but no more Taxol, the chemo drug I was taking.

As I sat there with the IV drip on my hand, my best friend, Liz by my side, tears ran down my face. The relief that it was over was overwhelming. I kept thanking God over and over and over again. No more driving back and forth to the medical center, no more blood tests, no more IV sticks, no more waiting rooms, for hours sometimes. My hair would grow back, my fatigue evaporate, I would have a new normal.

Flash forward to 2013, this time when I started chemo, my CA27-29 number had spiked to over 900 points. My test results from March showed the CA27-29 had gone down to 228. A 50 point drop from the previous cycle. I'm greedy, after two drops of over 300 points each, 50 points was a let down.

Cycle five day one, a CA27-29 result of thirty something seems so far away. It's best not to think about it. Best to just take it one day, one cycle at a time.

2013/207 What to do?

As the month gets closer to the end, so does the pressure to deliver at work. Still today was not as hectic as I was afraid when I pulled myself out of bed before even the roosters were thinking about cockadoodle-doodling. I took lunch in anticipation of not being able to take a break, but right before noon, I allowed myself the luxury of leaving the office for a little pick-me-upper.

I decided to go someplace that served coffee in a real mug, not a paper cup. I'm getting spoiled. Yet, my indulgences are weighing heavy on my mind so it felt good to take pen to my paper and do a little writing the old fashion way, reflecting on the words that haunted me in February. Enough, be still, endure, conviction.

What to do?

2013/205 & 206 Slug Bug Love

Sunday, after church, it was all about the slug bugs. First I saw a beautiful orange vintage model in the church parking lot. Before I could take out my camera, the owner came up out of nowhere, putting her key in her sweet ride. She had to be in her mid-sixties, with the energy one would expect for the owner of a beetle. "I love your car", I told her. "Thank you", she smiled at me, "I love it too". It was evident in the way the car sparkled and shined.

I watched from my rear view, wishing I had asked her if I could take a picture of her and her car. I vowed to myself that I wouldn't let another chance slip away. Thus, I stopped at Best Buy to take a few shots of the Geek Squad Bugs. I did a U-turn on busy Harbor Blvd to take some shots of a maroon slug bug that I've passed at least twenty odd times.

But the best find was at a classic car showroom that I've never ever noticed before. There as I drove by were two bright shiny vintage cars for sale. My car almost stopped in its track.

After all of that I can't believe that today, I let an opportunity pass me by. I let the pressure of fear and others get to me and when I saw an ugly, but obviously storied bug come into my path, I took the lazy way out. Instead of getting out of my car, I took a picture across the passenger seat. When I saw the shot after I got home, I was kicking myself. If I make the same mistake again, I don't deserve to have a camera.

2013/203 & 204 What Tomorrow May Bring

When she emailed me asking me where I was yesterday afternoon, I hoped it was because she wanted to see if I would meet her at the beach. We've talked about it so many times, there was always a possibility, but I wasn't going to hold my breath. Much to my delight her reply to my reply was exactly what I hoped for. At roughly 4:00pm I was driving down Pacific Coast Highway with the top down and the wind in my air.

I love how the air changes as you get close to the beach. I love the smell of the fire pits, the coolness of the breeze. After a busy week of work, it was the perfect way to start the day. Liz arrived about twenty minutes after I did. I originally planned to wait in the car so we could walk to the shore together, but the call of the water was too much for me. The waves were deliciously wild.

I got home after 8pm, exhausted, my leg hurting, but it was all worth it. The sunset did not disappoint.

Today has been a day of recuperation. Of course I had to have a mocha at what has become my favorite coffee shop and I even did a little shopping for work clothes.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow and what it may bring.

2013/102 So Blessed.

With two big projects at work coming to an end, I'm happy I haven't had more weeks like this week. Any plans I had to go back to the beach again, were put to rest by 3pm. Too much to do and not enough time to finish it all. Added to that an unplanned visitor at my office (my boss's boss) meant I was working late for sure.

As I walked out of the office, I was greeted with the deep blue skies, a falling sun and a refreshingly cool wind. It was just what I needed to keep me going especially since I knew I was leaving work just to pick up where I left when I got home. So very happy that I made that trip to the beach yesterday or I would be feeling bad right now. Instead I'm grateful for the job I have even if sometimes it gets in the way of my personal life.

I am so blessed.

2013/101 Another One Tomorrow

I had every intention of driving straight home. After all, it had been another long day at work and I have to go into tomorrow, too. But as I turned down Sunflower, my car took a right towards the beach instead of left towards the freeway. Still unsure of what I was doing, I contemplated turning the car around at every intersection.

I'm so glad I didn't. I never made it to the sand, but I got close enough to see the water, to hear the waves rushing to the shore, to feel the ocean breeze, to smell the salt in the air. My senses were delighted. The cool air was so refreshing. Even though the sun was out, there was practically no one around, allowing me to stop for pictures unimpeded.

I didn't stay for the sunset, but that's okay. There will be another one tomorrow.