2013/31 Last Day of January

Who can believe it's the last day of January? Spent the first part of the day at the Dr's and Infusion Center. Perhaps it's not every girl's dream, but really, it could be worse.

Funny that for the last three years, I keep thinking "this January, things will be better" and for the last three years, something has happened early on that blows away my confidence. And towards the end of last year, I was concerned about greeting 2013 and so far it's been the best start of the year I've had in a long time.

So thankful for the blessings in my life. So thankful that I'm feeling stronger, more engaged, more at peace, more joyful.

It's been a good month.

2013/30 Picture Perfect Day

It was a good day to get out of a rut. As restitution for something that I did for Brienne, she was supposed to let me take pictures of her. She finally made good on her promise, meeting me at work with Acki for a stroll along the beach and all the picture taking I wanted.

The weather, the sun and the sky could not have been any more perfect. The girls were so excited to be there at the edge of the sand, taking dozens of pictures by the minute. We had so much fun that it didn't even bother me that I didn't get hardly any good shots on my cellphone. It didn't matter anyway, I got some good shots on my DSLR and the girls got some excellent shots on their cellphones.

It was a picture perfect day.

2013/28-29 Stuck in a Rut

I've been stuck in a rut. Every morning I wake up with plans for the day...clean my room, write, find my purpose, go out shooting. By 6 or 7pm, I'm done with nothing to show for the day. My room looks the same (messy), my writing almost non-existent, my service null and my photography uninspiring.

My 365 for the last two days are drive by shots of electric poles.

I need to push myself.

I am stuck in a rut.

2013/24-27 Catching Up

I went up to my room on Thursday around 6:30pm intending to rest for an hour. I didn't get out of bed until 6:40am the next morning. Had it not been a work day, I likely would have stayed in bed even longer.

Friday, was spent with my head down busy with work. Just as the weather channel predicted, there were rain clouds and grey skies, but I wasn't going to let those things get me down. Not when Matt and family were going to be visiting for the weekend. They couldn't come soon enough.

It was a wonderful evening watching the little ones play and catching up with the kids.

The rain clouds continued Saturday morning and by early afternoon we decided to take the kids out to give them a change of scenery. Who knew that the Disney store could be such a wonderful diversion?

After a few hours at the mall, it was time for the kids to take a nap which was the perfect opportunity to take Ashley to my favorite coffee house, Dripp. Loved spending some one-on-one time with her.

After church and a nap this morning, Brie and I took a impromptu trip to Fashion Island. We didn't arrive until right after 5pm which was quite lovely. Being that it was late in the evening and rather cold there were few crowds. The best part was just spending some quality time with my baby girl.

What a wonderful weekend it was.

2013/23 Giving Thanks

Date night with my baby girl. First up, dinner or rather appetizers at Chili's followed by molten lava cake. After which we headed to Bed Bath and Beyond to try to find a comforter set for Brie's new bed.

It was a fun evening of eating, shopping, picture taking and talking. At the very end of the evening as I paid for the things we got at Target, Brie thanked me for the purchase. Both the cashier and the woman in line behind us paused and smiled.

She is as sweet at they come.

2013/22 Enough Said

Tired out. Enough Said.

2013/21 Moving at the Speed of Sound

Not really, but I left the house at exactly 5:47am this morning. Why is that so important? It's the fastest I've been able to get ready for work in months.

At the peak of my worst time, it was taking me well over an hour to get ready for work. For the past month, I've been able to pare it down to just under an hour. While it may not be a big deal, it was a reminder that in the last few weeks, I continue to get stronger and faster.

I wish I could say the rest of the day was eventful, but it was just another day at work. Okay, so it was a good day, but my 365 day project is wanting. I'm taking pictures just to take pictures, but there's nothing inspiring.

Oh, well, there is always tomorrow.

2013/20 A Day of Rest

It was the kind of day I needed. Full of sunny skies, warm temperatures and the day to do whatever I wanted. Just the perfect Sabbath so I took advantage and went to church, thankful for the 11am service so I could get up at my leisure.

A pancake lunch, afternoon siesta, mocha at Dripp and stop at the park to play around with my instamatic cameras was the order of the day, highlighted by a call from my Sunny Boy.

Think I might be ready for Monday after all.

2013/19 A Walk in the Sun

After days of uncommonly cool weather, the sun warmed the air making it a perfect time to head back out to the beach. I would have liked it to be a tad cooler which would have meant fewer crowds and easier parking, but it was so incredibly beautiful, it's difficult to complain.

There was barely an ocean breeze and the surf was strangely still when we arrived. There is nothing like the ocean to make me come to life. 

2013/18 Tired

Completely worn out right now. I'm in need of a long winter's nap. It was a good day of work. A good way to end a good week. Thankful that next week I have no chemo, but wishing that I didn't have an appointment with my primary physician.

Wondering how so many others seem to be able to take lovely pictures every day. I mean how do they manage to find the time? It's hard not to get jealous. It's important not to compare myself to others. I'm just rambling now.

Ended the evening just spending quality time with this little lovey dovey.

Looking forward to the weekend.

2013/17 Feeling the Effects

My third session of my first cycle of chemo left me feeling nauseous and uncomfortable. I wasn't surprised because I felt the nausea the first two sessions, just not as severely. Kicking myself for not being prepared with something ginger. I was told and had read that ginger helps with this side effect.

I'm counting on feeling better tomorrow.

It was my time using the port. I was still a bit apprehensive. You never know which nurse you're going to get and some I trust or feel more comfortable with than others. Today, I had Jesse, one of the few male nurses at the infusion center, but he knows his stuff and is very empathetic. I didn't even feel a thing when he stuck me.

Thankful, too, for Brie's help when I got home this afternoon. Even though I was nauseous, I was hungry and she obligingly went to The Hat to get us dinner and emptied out the dishwasher. Mom also pitched in by cleaning up the blender I used for my healthy shake.

Still, all things considered, it was a good day. I'll take it.

2013/16 Drive By

I don't text and drive, but I must confess that I often take a quick shot with my cellphone while driving. To keep things safe, I have my camera "ready" and simply raise up my phone while keeping my eyes on the road and snap. In other words, I don't frame up anything and don't even look in the direction of the picture I'm trying to take.

I've learned how to gauge when to take the shot. I never, ever look at the results until the car has been turned off. It's then that I find out whether I got the shot. Sometimes the object is out of focus, but often, the results are pretty pleasing.

This afternoon, as I passed Angel stadium, I raised my camera and hoped for the best. It was a good day.

2013/15 At the Office

I made a commitment to my boss...and to myself...that starting in January, I would go into the office at least two days a week. There was a bit of trepidation in making the statement. My boss hadn't demanded it and probably would have been willing to continue to accept me going in when I felt like it.   But as I got stronger, it felt like it was time to step it up and push myself.

So far, so good. Today, I even stayed until after 5pm which meant it took me over two hours to get home. If I hadn't had such a good day at the office, I probably would have cried. As the sun fell, I looked out the windows on our 12th floor and thanked God for such a wonderful sight.

I am blessed.

2013/14 Just Another Monday

The chilly weather continued for the fourth day in a row. This one, unlike the other days, chilled me to the bones and all day long I felt just slightly under the weather.

The sun was out, but all the energy I felt from the weekend was nowhere to be found. At least the morning passed quickly. At 11am, I headed back upstairs for a nap. I needed both to shut my eyes and warm my body. I brought Belle up with me and for the first time in months, I was able to lift her up onto my bed so she could sleep next to me as the sun shone on the bed.

For almost an hour I slept. The rest of the day, I moved around lethargically, but it didn't feel like a set back. It just felt like a boring, plain old Monday.

2013/13 Back for Seconds

I must confess, my mocha at Dripp was so delicious yesterday, I came back for another one today. I should be thankful there isn't one nearby my house or I would quickly go broke.

As I sit here, I contemplate getting a personally brewed cup of joe in addition to the mocha I'm gulping down. I know the caffeine isn't good for me, but it's been a while since I've had a cup of coffee that I've truly enjoyed. This mocha is so good, I imagine the dark roast brew must be pretty tasty, too.

Next time, Debra, next time.

2013/12 A Good Tired

Tired myself out today, but it's a good tired. Would have loved to wake up late this morning, but Brie asked me to get her up early so I was up and at 'em at promptly 7:15am. I thought seriously about popping back into bed since there was a nice chill in the air, but the beauty of the morning kept me moving.

It was the perfect day to finally head out to Dripp, a coffee shop that I've been wanting to try out for the longest time. The temperature in Southern California was projected to hover around the upper 50's which is quite low, even for January.

I was more than delighted with the interior of the shop and even more pleased with the mocha that I ordered. It was more than a girl could ask for. The only bummer of the whole experience was the "No Photograph" sign that greeted me as I opened the door to the coffee shop. WHAT?!?!

That didn't stop me from taking a few surreptitious snaps of my most delicious beverage. When nothing was said, I daringly took a few more as casually as I could.

Afterwards, I headed west for a little beach time. Winter is one of my favorite times to head out to the Pacific Ocean. Parking is easy and the beach front is pretty much wide open. I was able to walk around the water and pier for almost two hours.

Now I'm worn out, but, oh, so happy. It was such a wonderful feeling to spend some time out at the ocean.

Seriously thinking of going back for another mocha tomorrow. Going to be another winter's day in California.

2013/11 What a Wonderful Word

It was uncommonly cold in So Cal today. It's rare that the day time temperature doesn't hit the 60's. Today it barely reached 58 degrees. But the skies were blue and the sun was bright which made for another beautiful January day. 

Still I was taken aback as I headed east towards my aunt's house this afternoon by the vast mountain terrain with snow topped tips. In the distance puffy clouds billowed above the caps. I was filled with such thankfulness to be alive and see such a sight. I immediately burst into simultaneous laugher and tears. I felt so alive and grateful to be there. Thank you, Lord, thank you, Lord, I whispered while both crying and laughing. 

I would have kept driving, but I was on my way to visit my aunt so I didn't even stop to take a picture of such a glorious sight. It wouldn't have mattered, there is no way a camera could do it justice.

Instead here's a different picture of the glory of God.

2013/10 The Sun Inspired Me

The Weather Channel app warned of grey skies and rain. The early hours of the day was right on track with their prediction. But the sun came through and put an end to the doom and gloom.

It was my second round of chemo and the first time I would use my port in the infusion center. It went better than I could have hoped. Definitely easier than getting the IV pushed into my vein. The pharmacy took its sweet time getting my drug ready so I didn't get out of the infusion chair until two hours after I sat down.

By the time work was done, the day was at its peak. It was chilly and windy as all get up, but the sun was still in its glory. I was planning to head out to a coffee shop after work, but I was inspired to go for a walk instead.

I didn't get far before I got out of breath, but I was able to move at a good pace, enjoy the beauty all around me. I would have walked to the Pacific Ocean if I could have.

 After all, it was just a perfect day in Southern California.

2013/9 How Tall Am I?

For the second time in less than a week, I was asked to give my height. I used to say with pride, 5'6". Not quite Amazonian, but taller than average and that was good enough for me.

With the compression of my spine, I've dropped at least three (possibly four) inches. I don't know if I want to know exactly how much I lost. Losing my stature bothered me even more than the hunching of my spine so when I'm asked how tall I am, I pause and answer, I'm now 5'3" as though I want the person asking to know that I was once taller.

Today I had my port implanted. The surgery itself was easier than I imagined. The sedation is enough to render the incisions and tugging of the port more than tolerable, but the tube feels so strange inside my body. I imagine one must get used to the apparatus because I haven't heard anyone complain about this before.

But most importantly, I continue to feel stronger and better. I'm moving around with more ease and walking with better posture.

And for that I give thanks to the Lord.

2013/8 From Start to Finish

I made good time getting ready for work this morning, all things considered. Still it was 6:02am as I pulled out of the driveway. After a few weeks off of work, I expected the sky to be light already, but it was dark and still as I made my way to the freeway. Traffic was light, which was all I really cared about.

As I merged onto the 57 South, I turned my eyes to the East and gasped at the moon. Against the black horizon, the rim lighting from the sun, yet to be seen, the moon came to life. It was almost as if I could reach out and grab it from the sky. I would have taken a picture, but I knew my little cellphone could never do it justice so my memory of the moment will have to suffice.

The walk from the car to the office was easier than it had been at the end of 2012. At some point in the morning, I realized that I was getting things done, not just counting the seconds until I could leave and get back to my recliner. I felt happy.

From start to finish, it has been a very good day.

2013/7 Embrace the Ordinary

After two weeks of a much needed vacation, it was time to get back to work. I went to bed last night a bit apprehensive getting back to reality. Turns out it was easier than I thought. It was a good work day with a lot accomplished.

My plans to head out after work and perhaps get some photos in was thwarted by fatigue, but I didn't beat myself too badly up about it. There will be other days, other opportunities, of that I am hopeful.

For my photo of the day, I made do with a last moment photo of the sun coming down into the living room window through the sheer curtains reminding me of photos my dad took of the family long, long ago in another house, at another time.

It was just an ordinary day, but it was still worth embracing.

2013/6 All We Need

A quiet day, spent at home. After breakfast, I lay back down in bed instead of getting ready for church. The rest felt good. It's what I've longed for since Christmas. It's what I needed as I prepare to start work after two weeks off. It's what I need as I prepare for the installation of the port into my body and another round of chemo.

The majority of the day was spent on my recliner. I could have moved around more, should have moved around more, but today was just a day of rejuvenation. I'm praying that tomorrow, I get an early start, can finish up at 4pm and then get out of the house for just a little while.

It may have not been the most exciting day, but at least there was this.

It's all we need.

2013/5 Drive by Photo Shot

My hardest day of 2013. Don't know if I'm feeling the effects of the chemo or the lack of pain relievers, but the pain in my back cut into my happy place today.

The plan was to go visit Matt, Ashley & the children and maybe get in a little time in Palm Springs to take pictures of the scenery. I was able to do the first, but by the time lunch was over, I was done. Thankfully, my car seat is comfortable so I was able to tolerate the drive back. It helped to have company (Liz). Instead of getting out and walking around, I had to make do with a few drive by shots.

Still, it was a gorgeous day and I got to see my babies. It was worth the drive.

2013/4 Beauty Amongst the Sorrow

At first I wasn't sure about taking pictures at my uncle's funeral, but when I was given a strategic seat during the graveside service, I hoped my aunt and cousin's wouldn't mind. My iPhone on silent allowed me to quietly document the moment. After I saw the results, I was glad I took the chance.

2013/3 Here I Go Again

This time around I wasn't as emotional as I thought I would be. Even though there were a million other places I would rather be, there was resignation that this is where I needed to be to fight this thing because this year there are a million things that I want to embrace.

2013/2 Sunny Skies

It was the kind of January day that Angelenos expect, sunny and gorgeous, perhaps a little cooler than normal. It's our right that comes with putting up with horrendous traffic, ridiculous state taxes and high gas prices.

It's what used to cause out of staters to move to California in droves as they would come for the Rose parade or watch on TV and think it's always this way. Recently, however, the cost of living has put a stop to the numbers moving out here.

Today, I soaked it in. The sun, the sky, the cool breezes. It was wonderful.

2013/1 The Start of New Year

It was a good way to start the New Year. A delicious brunch at my brother's, a stroll at The Citywalk and ultimately blue, sunny skies.